The awkward & messy beginning

Late last year, I decided to go after this nag on the inside—tell stories, it said, write, create, slow down, get outside…connect the dots and invite others in. That's it. It's kept me up at night, wondering and wandering…"but what about…"

No new season is easy. Like a farmer planting, tending, and harvesting. Or winter waking up to spring…but I'm beginning to realize the hard parts are actually easier—if we're fully in tune and on board with where we are. Present, content (wow that’s a big word). Like the old tree by my pond—standing tall. Strength and courage come through the seasons.

Last fall, on the way to church, I had a panic attack. I pulled over into the Kohl's parking lot to calm down, and talk to God. I realized I had been living a different story, not the one I was meant to. It was heart-warming and gut-wrenching all at the same time.

What do you do when you realize it's time to change—I wondered? What does my career look like? How will this all work? Family? I just ended my seasonal kayak rental business—and money was tight. Ayee. I started talking to friends and family. I felt loved by many and left by some. There's definitely a cost to chasing meaningful pursuits…but also a deep richness.

I've been on that road the past few months. There are bits and pieces I can see—like bread crumbs the lady down the street spreads out for the birds. A little bit at a time, sufficient for the next few days. There are so many other days, though, where it's dark, more fog than sun—and the bread lady isn't around. Those are the tough ones. I'm learning those are the days to be okay with. To keep showing up.

I applaud people who go after something they believe in, something meaningful. It's not always appreciated—especially early on. In the awkward parts where you don't have the wings figured out yet—but you're out in the sand and in the shop—knowing that one day this plane will fly.

While I've lived a few years, I feel like I'm at the beginning of an exciting new journey. So, each day I try to take a step forward in that. Through the awkwardness, through the wins. Pray, write, stumble, get coffee with people, work, and do. I’m starting to see the parts come together, but there’s a lot of work to do—before this puppy is ready to soar.

My hope is to combine story with the outdoors—starting this spring. To tell people's stories from the water—starting here in my home state with a series called “Float Nebraska”. To build an outdoor community (Lincoln Paddle Co.) that helps people find joy and fun on the water. It's changed my life, and I want to share that. To tap into this feeling that started on a borrowed kayak five years ago, but has ocean wave dreams.

I'm so thankful for this season. The dry days, hard days, and good days. Days where courage starts to take its roots. Days where God shows up and reminds me how much each of us are a masterpiece—and how not even tomorrow is promised.

If you're in your awkward beginning, middle, or even end as well... We're all in this together. Let's keep inching forward after these meaningful pursuits in our lives. ;) It matters.

—

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”'

Matthew 11:28